I feel like I have so much to say and I don’ t even know where to begin posting on this blog anymore. This blog really started as a place to update family and friends about our adoptions. It was also a place to document what happened in those adoptions. I struggle now to write about our life.
On March 4, we will be home for a year. It’s unreal. I keep going through receipts for the adoptions for taxes and it’s taken me by surprise that 2009 is gone. So much happened for us in 2009, it seemed to take forever to get there and then it flew by.
I knew that I needed to lower my expectations before we finally brought Afton and Mastewal home. I thought that I had. The last year has been insane for me. I’ve struggled and still struggle with anxiety and depression (and have always) but have not had an outlet for it. I guess in previous years I’ve used work as a coping mechanism and it was great, because I worked with other “counseling type” professional people. Then again, maybe it just helped to have someone outside of my home to talk to on a daily basis. It seems that I’ve gotten everything I wanted and asked and prayed for and now can’t seem to be happy with it all. I traveled to Ethiopia about 6 months after we were home with all three children. I talked about wanting to see the Awassa Childrens Project, my friend’s baby Eyob and Emily. I really just wanted a break from everything (even though I did all three of the mentioned). Many times over the last year, I’ve used the word “stuck” to describe how I feel. I wake up everyday and think about what is going to be next, what am I going to do. This is a difficult season for me. Waiting. Doing the daily stuff. Living. Putting one foot in front of the other.
It’s taken me a week to get this post out and it’s kind of crappy. I’m trying to put some new things in place for myself and maybe I can get back on the blogging routine. I think I’ll feel a little better getting some of this “stuff” out there.